ADHD, OCD, BPD, MDD, GAD, EDNOS, SAD,,
these are just some of the acronyms that have shaped me into who i am, nature and/or nurture, for better and/or worse, and i have lots of thoughts about them as well. here are some~
for beginners, how does one even begin to differentiate if the swirling incessant thought spirals are from your OCD, your ADHD, is it just anxiety or a feature of another depressive and/or manic episode? is it a combo of OCD + ADHD? ADHD + SAD? SAD + anxiety?
it doesn’t matter anyway, you can never describe it right anyway, plus the medication overlap for all these DX is practically the same anyway
good thing you’re a life-long-lover-of-learning and go on a deep dive down some science articles to find the perfect medication cocktail to help you feel better, only to be thwarted by RIDICULOUSLY OVERPRICED DRUGS so you’re right back where you started, or perhaps worse, because now you know there is a solution but it is unavailable to you because you’re poor, so get fuckt.
so now you begin the scheming, how will i be able to afford my medications that enable me to help myself live a slightly better than before life? well, being able to get some money to buy the meds would be a great start, but it’s awfully hard to keep a job when you’re unmedicated and you want the job in the first place to be able to afford the medication so you will be able to be a more fuller functioning human person and be able to make money and contribute to society but you’re so disorganised and paralysed by the executive function that you can’t even begin to find a new doctor who may be able to help you get your meds at a more affordable/doable price so that you could have friends and a job but all these things are made so much easier by medication,,,
so it’s easy to get really down on yourself and think ‘damn, i’m such a piece of crap i can’t even clean off my kitchen table that is slowly turning into a sceince project, sedimentary rock example as seen by modern products on kitchen table- there, it can be an arts AND science project. remember that time we had to make PBJ sandies and then leave them in the science classroom for weeks? man, public school was weird. sure wish i could clean off my table but i’m too sad and mad now so will go eat a pound of sugar because i can’t get my life together to make some more nutritionally balanced food for myself. i sure suck at life..’ BUT this is completely ignoring the circumstances that brought you to this point both large (trash family upbringing) and small (correct medication is very helpful) and so when you take these problems to a doctor as soon as they hear you’re anxious and/or depressed, everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, is blamed on that combo.
Literally. My body shut down and my stomach quit dealing with food (it’s a thing look it up its called gastroparesis and it sucks) and my idiot doctor told me it was because i was trying to eat while my stomach was sleeping???, waitnevermind, it’s because of all the anxiety and depression. they also like to blame any ADHD symptoms on the anxiety and depression as well, and it’s like yeah well no shit i am an anxious depressed mess i am a grown-ass adult that can’t even do a chore that a mature 5 year old could handle, i am such a loser waste of space and should just die. OFC you will be having the depression, that would make anyone depressed, damn.
but with the right meds and a trickily self-induced routine (because don’t tell me how to live!!!!! even if i am telling myself this great life tip i still rebel at any authority, why am i like this???? SO ANNOYING) you can tackle these ADHD problems and then the anxiety and depression problems are much more managable/quieter/less RSD and be a still perhaps disabled but less disabled than before person.
but wait, healthy people are bad consumerists and that just won’t do in a capitalist society. keep the people sick! which perfectly plays into our next problem of the healing ADHD chain, pursuing medications!! how many of you have finally figured out that your life is a burning dumpster fire of bad decisions and that having better impulse control would benefit you and the way to that fairytale ending is from ADHD meds and you’ve finally found a doctor to plead your case to and instead of leaving with hope for your bright new future and an RX for helpful drugs, you are instead treated like a drug seeker (which yes technically going to the doctor for the specific purpose of getting a prescription for drugs IS drug seeking, but nobody is mad at UTI patients getting antibiotics or broken arm patients getting xrays and both of those people could have made better choices and not needed a doctor either(insert eye roll emoji here)) and turned away with no help, no meds, feeling worse about your life circumstances than ever before, and as a patient there is literally nothing you can do about this??
welcome to the land of the free.
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