listen-
we all know that there is approximately 2-4 BILLION more people on this shit planet than there needs to be, and we need to implement some population culling methods that are not just straight-up genocide(lazy and uninspired TBH)

Which leads us to: have you heard of “letting idiots take themselves out” tho???
The short recap: let all the stupid people destroy themselves via willful ignorance, unwavering drug lust, and horrendous choices, so we can free up more space and resources for the people who are actually trying at life~

DISCLAIMER!!!for this page only, we will be going off the assumption that everyone alive = all fucking morons. DISCLAIMER!!! (you’ve been warned and don’t have to keep reading)

so here we go!!!

There are so many different types of morons:

first, we have the category of just morons – people in this category are usually just so stupid it is a wonder how any of them ever lived, and then you find out about all the interventions people in their life have done to keep these idiots alive and wasting our resources.
Listen, if you’re too stupid to be alive, you should not be allowed to be alive anymore. End of story. (no, dumb children do not count here – all children are dumb it’s not their fault. let them grow up and see if they grow out of or into their idiocy.) But we as a nation have become too…idek anymore and we no longer strive to keep up with the best person but we have all just started bringing the level down to be with the worst person and sure MAYBE less feelings will be hurt this way but we are also hurting a lot of other more lasting things this way – for instance, Jason(he’s crazy) taught me like 4 good pearls of wisdom and one of them was “if you’re the smartest person in the room – leave” and after it was explained to me that you wanna leave the room that you are the smartest person in so that you can find a room to level up your learning with i was like oh yes what a good quote. because first i thought it was just being mean like “omg i can’t even hang out with these stupid people” Because sometimes stupid people can be fun (see my first wonderful boyfriend) but after a while….there just isn’t much substance left.
But the REALLY dumb dummies, they should go. And yes, in this category i will be putting “people who purposefully climb ridiculously high and/or dangerous mountains and/or caves and fuck up magnificently and then have to be rescued by volunteer emergency services – GET FUCKED you’re not brave, you’re just a selfish asshole who is bad at planning and/or taking calculated risks and those are both skills that we don’t need people bringing into the new world – we need some smarties!!
(side note, i absolutely DESPISE rescue stories on podcasts etc . I think they’re annoying and also set a terrible example to other people because we are just perpetuating that someone else will come save your sorry ass from a trip you didn’t even NEEd to do.)

Then, we have drug-obsessed rude’ass garbage flinger overdoser tents all over my sidewalk AND ROAD morons, who as of late seem to be also causing a lot of arson in my fine city?? and we the people? not down for it. Sorry, but if you’ve gotten to the point in your life where you shit on sidewalks in front of people and boil your food in a bucket and ruin the neighbourhood with your carts and carts and carts of crap and your wet blankets all over the fence, yeling at all hours of the day and night upsetting my dog, to the point where people pets and pedestrians have to cross the street rather than walk by your…area… FUCK NO GTFO and BTW nobody should be waking ur ass up with narcan because you’ve obviously made it this far into the shit and you have had people offer multiple types of help and if you don’t want it and we all want you to get better and we try and you’re still just like nah i’ll throw trash everywhere and then hope someone else fixes my problem – like listen – these helpers would fall into the do-good-er morons category – like, this person’s life is not probably going well, and HONESTLY probably will not be getting very much better anyway. Also, pretty rude of the “rescuer” here to not even consider that idk maybe this person was actively trying to OD and die and stop being a pain in the ass for everyone else? Why would you interrupt them trying to be helpful? We need to just let more people die honestly.

And then there are lemmings-like morons who blindly follow leadership (bad) why’d you go to school and forced to do research papers and how to find good vs untrustworthy sources of information and how has basically all of america just…idek!! KNOWLEDGE = POWER
which then leads us to there are anti-education morons who don’t believe in science and equality (v bad) like listen, at least half the stuff you like? was from something else originally. Usually, from poor people. (Uh, rap & hip-hop anyone? Jazz? weed? pork belly? tacos? sushi? thrifting? reselling? “”side-hustling””-gag me with a spoon over that nasty term-The list goes on…) maybe do some learning about stuff before you go on being haters about asians mexicans poors blacks and other poor unfornuate minorities.
AND THEN there’s the self-righteous vegan morons(lolentersweatylaughenojiaquí) who think spreading measles and the flu all over the place is more appropriate and causes less harm?? because we cannot be using vaccines that were originally started to be lab grown inside chicken eggs (listen – i used to be vegan ok? so i can be as big of a hater as i want here- they’re the worst (insert laughing face emoji here) – sooo judgy. (usually) Which if we are going to be going back to survival of the fittest i am pretty sure that vegans would not be making it very far since they wouldn’t be able to eat anything and probably do not have the know how to grow and chaff and grind their wheat into TVGAWFP(textured vital gluten and wheeat flour protein – or whatever) to make fake meat looking salty playdough tasting items instead of just eating a squirrel that happened to be hit by a ,,,well, not a car since this is the post-apocolyptic world, but you get the point i am making here. Vegans are wasteful too. Not that that is the point i am making, BUT it is also true.

there’s also the “not I” morons (see also: “Karen”‘s) who think that they are special and the normal rules of society, personal space, nor disease control apply to them (they very bad, breaking the rules – c’mon. the rules help contain the fun.) the rules DO apply to you, EVERYONE hates you, and NOBODY is gonna call anybody out on anything, ever, much to the detriment of all. Start yelling at your neighbours more people!~! FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY!!! (i am definitely yelling at myself here to yell at my neighbours more as well.)

Listen, if everyone would just ralley together in their hatred for all the rule breakers and all the karens and all the politicians, we wouldn’t be so close to WW3 because we would all be used to yelling about stuff we hate instead of slowly being boiled because we don’t wanna ♪rock the boat(don’t rock the boat baby)rock the boat(don’t tip the boat over)rock the boooooat♪ WHICH if you can’t tell, it isn’t doing anyone any good! and nobody is impressed by your taking the high road of silence! Your silence just means you’re fine with what’s happening. Are you fine with what’s happening??? No? ♪then come and put your mouth where your money is//yeah it’s time to get hard or go home♪
Additionally, start being vocal about things you’re not down with!!! and with the things you like!!! GET VOCAL PEOPLE about all of it, talk about stuff that matters though.
What’s the worst that will happen? someone might laugh at you? your friends might think you’re uncool?
You might save someone’s life? You might make a difference? Why have you been brainwashed to believe that is a bad thing??

Finally, we come to the do-good-er morons. I know, i know their hearts are in the right place, but too many idealistic ideas can be dangerous as well. As we all know, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” When you are only bringing your own self into it without yet having walked two moons in their mocc-mocc’s and you’re not thinking about the other cultural background background/upbringing and mental health issues and nature:nurture and all of the different factors, you’re not making an informed choice. And, sometimes what is good for one person is not good at all for another person. See any of these categories for examples – fave TV shows, allergies, drug regimes, triggering colours, what someone considers the worst song ever created is someone else’s favourite song. – So NO, what is good for the goose is NOT always good for the gander as well. (ps girls and boys and aliens? very different needs and likes lol) We are all different, why don’t we start acting like it??

I am sure there are many other types of morons who are contributing to the unchecked spread of diseases (ignorance is a disease) here, combined with my other theory of why disease is running rampant – nobody brings their own nasty-ass covered dishes to potlucks anymore and everyone uses too much anti-bacterial shit. but everyone is so scared of uh everything, but especially don’t wanna get in legal monetary trouble, (getting sued) which leads us toooooooo,,,

which unfortunately leads to my last point! here’s a tiny rant of everybody needs to stop fucking sueing everyone else and start actually suing the ‘people’ who matter and have money and clout in this game – CORPORATIONS. Y’all need to be suing corporations for making shitty products, and stop suing your literal friends, neighbours, and families, all of whom were kind enough to let your little monster fucking children play with their trampoline – don’t sue the morons that have a trampoline – sue the assholes that make and sell one of the most dangerous spring loaded toys on the face of the planet instead.

Instead of suing the grocery store that has a hard linoleum covered cement floor that your idiot child cracked their skull open on, maybe, idk, keep better track of your children and idk, parent them?? THEN nobody needs to get sued, nobodies heads needs to be crackedup, and everyone will enjoy the benefits of your hard work – wonderful, smart, inquisitive, delightful, children that understand the DIRECT CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS. So instead of letting them run rampant and then rely on mall workers to yell at your kids to behave, then you get offended and yell at said mall worker like THEY wanna be talking to your nasty children anyway. Listen, my job was to sell you themed t-shirts and gelly bracelets, not to be ur free “pls yell at me” therapy, not to be a “life-lesson” of a youth gone wrong to shove in the face your cool teenager(it didn’t work, unless your goal here was to make them think that me and my store were cooler and you, their asshole mom, is an even bigger and more embarrassing asshole than you already definitely are, in which case, CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS! you’ve succeeded!) and it was definitely not to clean up your child’s pee (that i thought was soda.) THINK BIGGER PEOPLE~!! Also, be polite to workers. Not just during Holiday and mothers day and VDday, but all of the days. They don’t wanna be working on any of the days. Not just not wanting to work on pre-determined western holidays. (But we do appreciate your bomb tips during said holiday shifts. U can keep ur pity tho~♪we don’t need [it]♪)

Please let’s learn good handwashing skills guys!!!!! Good Handwashing Skillz will take you far, you don’t need anti-bacteria everything – that’s how we get superbugs like MRSA and probably why all the bees are dying – we NEED some “”germs”” for the good of all. Maybe just idk, LEARN the difference between good v bad germs, but Ooops, that once again goes back to our nation’s utter refusal to attempt to Learn Anything or Do Anything that would better more than just themselves&theirs. STOP BEING SELFISH A-HOLES PEOPLE, nobody is winning this way, not even you, a-hole.
((my fave hand-washing pandemic tip i saw – “wash your hands like later you are going to be taking out your contacts after handling jalapeños all day”))

♪I can see the way you’re looking and it’s ravenous
So, baby, come on, come on, come on
How big’s your appetite?♪

how big’s YOUR appetite?
let’s get to eating!

catch y’all on the flip-side
<3QtfK

PS if you liked (or hated) this piece, lemme know in THE COMMENTS (aka usually the best part of the site)